A Tweet’s life

Twitter.

It’s a great way to advertise or showcase your opinions/ideas/jokes/meltdowns/blog etc. and to find out about news, current events, and strangers’ views on them. One thing Twitter allows you to do is ‘favourite’ tweets. Here we find a problem. You see having something be your favourite implies that you prefer it to all alternatives. It’s the best. The only best one. Of all the tweets, that one is the winner. I’d argue that most people use the favourite button far too freely. If you’ve got more than one tweet in your ‘favourites’ you’re probably lying. I’m guilty of that. I have many tweets that I’ve favourited. When you click that inviting little button, you’re telling the person whose tweet it was that you enjoyed it. This could make them happy. That’s a good thing.

But think of that poor tweet you favourited yesterday, it was sitting there, feeling loved, safe in the knowledge that you thought it superior to all the other billions of tweets, when suddenly its position is usurped and it’s hit with the disappointment of a thousand prospective students after Clegg raised tuition fees. Now he feels betrayed, let down and just generally down in the dumps. He thought he was special. He thought you cared. But no, he’s just one in a bulging pit of vaguely amusing or interesting snippets.

And what of the new tweet? She was ecstatic when you picked her above everything else in your timeline. She felt like finally she was being appreciated for what she was. She couldn’t wait to make herself at home in your favourites. But she saw that the previous ‘favourite’ tweet was already in there. As the tears begin to stream down her face, she turns to you, with a questioning look you just can’t handle. You break down yourself. How could you be so unfaithful? You promise to retweet them both so they can find new homes, and they accept, hopeful that they can put this mess behind them and move on with their overly-anthropomorphised lives.

The cornerstone of Twitter, however, is the ability to ‘follow’ people. Putting aside the fact that this is a little weird to begin with, the fact that you are able to follow back makes no sense. Let’s say that someone decides to literally follow someone else (the followee is fine with this) and the person being followed then decides that they want to return the favour. Person 1 walks to the shop, Person 2 follows. 1 then follows 2. But wait, that’s not possible, is it? No, you’re right, it’s not. Silly Twitter. If it was made so that either you can follow them or they can follow you, it would at least stop all those irritating ‘#teamfollowback’ people. It would also make Twitter inherently worse, but it might be worth it to eradicate those particular tweeters.

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About Mark Dolan

Hello there, I'm Mark, a 21 year old English archaeology student. I write about various things; archaeology, musings on my life, and various bits of society that I have something to say about.

2 responses to “A Tweet’s life”

  1. jackthesocietyslayer says :

    Love the “silly Twitter” comment :P This is quite surreal but also a funny slant to our beloved social network site

    Like

  2. psychologistmimi says :

    it took me a while to figure out Teamfollowback. Weird indeed

    Like

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