Apple and the Amazing Technicolour iPhones

Apple have been a company at the forefront of new technology for the past few years, with Steve Jobs seemingly not only the figurehead but also the driving force behind the consistent innovation they’ve come out with. Recently though, I can’t help but feel Apple have lost the plot somewhat. From the face of it you’d never know, they’ve got the same shiny customer image and they word their product descriptions in such a way that would have you believe they’re doing something really special. At the moment though, they’re far from that. Recently there’s been another Apple product announcement to inform the world of their new updated version of the iPhone.

Apple have always held their events in September, not at the same time as other competitors, for example Samsung and HTC. This is obviously a ploy to set them apart from direct competition, and it’s a successful strategy. But if the new product is less than impressive, there are no distractions from it. Take the new iPhones, firstly, the iPhone 5c. With all new technology comes an exciting USP. A reason to buy that one rather than an alternative. What’s the iPhone 5c’s USP? It comes in different colours. That’s pretty much it. Of course Apple don’t want you to realise that that’s it. Go on the Apple site, and you’ll be met with the flowery argument that “Colour is more than just a hue. It expresses a feeling. Makes a statement. Declares an allegiance. Colour reveals your personality.” I hate to hastily dive into floccinaucinihilipilification, but that means absolutely nothing.

First of all, no, colour isn’t ‘more than just a hue’. That’s exactly what colour is. The presence of a hue distinguishes colours such as red and green from black and white, the main distinction between the iPhone 5 and the 5c. As for it expressing a feeling, feelings are quite changeable. Unless it has the colour changing ability of a chameleon, it will almost never express a feeling. You don’t see someone wearing a green jumper and assume they’re envious do you? You wouldn’t do such a thing; you probably possess a modicum of intelligence. Declare an allegiance? Without context, colours don’t signify anything of the sort. Lenin probably would’ve picked a red phone over a white one, but a sales executive talking on a red one probably isn’t a Bolshevik. All this nonsense just emphasises the fact that they haven’t got any worthwhile selling points for this new iPhone and have instead resorted to a strategy as outrageously ridiculous as Derek Acorah’s source of income. Even the section of the Apple website dedicated to this new lump of allegiance-declaring rubbish feels overworked. They’ve added a page orientated scroll with pointless showy animations to impress the easily amused and overly wealthy. Instead of persuading me to shell out £470 it just feels clunky and slow. Less is more, Apple.

This would all be very biased if I didn’t also give my opinion on the 5c’s brother, the 5S. The 5S isn’t entirely based on colour luckily, although they do make a bit too much of an overly-flashy gold edition. No, it’s slightly more focused on specification. The 3 main points seem to be “A chip with 64-bit architecture” (sounds good but won’t mean much to many), “A fingerprint identity sensor” (Not at all necessary, will quickly lose novelty value) and “A better, faster camera” (Good, but the camera was fine already, and anyone with a real interest in photography would buy a dedicated camera). Apparently “Any one of these features in a smartphone would make it ahead of its time”. That’s just a flat-out marketing lie. There’s much more I could write about the new iPhones, especially the 5S, but I don’t want this post to be excessively long. So you can go and make up your own mind about it. Just remember, just because it’s green, doesn’t make it worth 500 pounds. Grass is green too, and you can probably find some of that for slightly less.

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About Mark Dolan

Hello there, I'm Mark, a 21 year old English archaeology student. I write about various things; archaeology, musings on my life, and various bits of society that I have something to say about.

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