Paper, Scissors, Goat?

It’s not long ago (in real terms rather than internet years) that that fun little game Flappy Bird was all the rage. And I do mean all the rage. I’m almost certain you’ll have noticed the phenomenon fly by were you not dropped in the midst of it, but for clarification I’ll explain it. There were some Super Mario-style pipes, with a gap in between. You played as a small bird (that changed colour! Oh the wonder of the modern age!), tapping the screen to go up with the objective being to fly unharmed through the gaps to progress on to the next exciting set of pipes that might be considerably higher or lower than the previous pipes. Oh, and there’s a lovely cartoony NYC-esque skyline in the background to create the perfect ambience for playing a game that a woodpecker could beat you at.

After the excitement around Flappy Bird died down, there came a new video game that tickled the fancy of many. A video game that broke boundaries. A game that showed us that there was a different way. A game that allowed you into another world. A game called Goat Simulator. That’s right goat fans, now you can get answers to the age-old question, what is it like to be a goat? The game allows one to roam around in the guise of the mild-mannered mammal, butting and eating along the way. Here’s a game safe from trolls. Kids love it too.

But I know that for some the burden of knowledge about a goat’s life is too much to bear. Some things are just too exciting, so for you restful types, there’s something to allow you a way into the joyful world of simulator games. Where others step into the shoes of a pilot, train driver or goat, you can sit back, relax, and enjoy the show from the point of view of a humble stone. Yes, you read that right, now stop excitedly jumping around and we can explore the possibilities.

For now it’s only an app, but there are surely big things in the future for this game. Stone Simulator is the pinnacle of technology. Edison, Logie Baird, Berners-Lee, Gates, Jobs. They all dedicated their lives to the advancement of technology available to the humble Homo Sapiens and now we can state with certainty that all the toil was oh so very worthwile.

Stone Simulator 1

Yes, that is a screenshot from the wondrous app.

Serene, beautiful, slightly pixelated. All the things one could ever want for their first venture into stonedom! The green cut out only by the roundish grey protagonist, this is a startlingly captured piece of art. The peaks rising and falling, perpendicular to the wind that only the rock can feel, so strong, yet our hero is unmoved.

But I know what you’re thinking, that looks like it would get dull quite quickly. Well fret not dear friend because we are not stuck with the one view, no, stones are famously 3 dimensional, and to know the ins and outs of the stone’s life we must be treated to the whole picture

Stone Simulator 2

Here we are treated to a changed point of view, that encourages as to do as the stone does, look at the world differently, step into others’ shoes and let your empathy grow. See the stone let itself be covered by grass, shifting our focus to the valley created by the looming monuments to nature that guide the eye into the distance, piquing the desire to explore, and yet the stone’s lack of movement reminds us to sit back and enjoy it before going forth in search of new stimulation.

But wait! There’s more!

Stone Simulator 3

We conclude our journey with a front-on look at the stretched mountain. The bare land, devoid of vibrant plant life, emoting emotions most people would think a stone incapable of experiencing.

I hope you’ll take something away from the adventures of our humble friend, its journey is far from over. If you’re just not content, you too can get acquainted with the agile-minded philosopher on the play store.

Your move, paper.


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About Mark Dolan

Hello there, I'm Mark, a 21 year old English archaeology student. I write about various things; archaeology, musings on my life, and various bits of society that I have something to say about.

3 responses to “Paper, Scissors, Goat?”

  1. quitefranklee says :

    How did this happen and how did I miss this?!


  2. Earth Angel says :

    Mark ..Love your depth..something very special about my friend are a wonderful empath…the depth of your writing supersedes your age..check out my webpage if u get a moment as I think you would understand it…Heart to Heart Robyn


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